Dear friends Suhasini here. Thanks for the responses you are sending to me. I feel very proud to know that I am writing so well (as you all say). I think I need a personal secretary to read my mails and respond to them!!! Just kidding. Really you people are making me proud woman. Don’t praise me so much. I am just writing my feelings at the time of that situations happened in my life.So now coming to the story…. After my marriage and reception is over I am totally in a confusion and worried stage to face my first night with Srinivas. I felt very tired. As the marriage muhurtham was in the early hours (5.46mina.m), I did not have proper sleep all the night. My mother came to me, I am sitting alone in the room, and she closed the door and sat near me. She kissed me on my cheeks and said “ thujhe meri hi najar lagjayega” I don’t have enough strength to smile to her. She asked me to take rest for a while by that time she will make arrangements for my bath. She is not telling directly that today is my first night but all the arrangements she is doing are for that only. She called my aunt and enquired about the bed room decoration. They took a separate room in the function hall hotel itself. The hotel people have decorated the room with roses it seems. My mother got angry and asked them to change the bed and decorate it with jasmines. As that is beginning of summer it is easy to get jasmines. She told my aunt to be there and see the room decoration; she went out and sent my big sister to my room. She came smiling to me, by looking at my face she told don’t worry my dear, every girl feels tensed like you only, but you will see the drastic change by tomorrow morning. Only for today we will show you how to prepare for this, but don’t forget to get prepared for every night like the first night. She confirmed that today is my first night. I don’t know how to escape, or whether I should change my mind and enjoy. But it is not in my hands to switch on or off my mood. I am simply following the orders of my sister. She told me in my ears to clean my pubic hairs. She gave me razor and cream.I felt embarrassed, I said I have the habit of doing it regularly, she told “ ohhhh you are already prepared… no problem do it once again.. Find out whether Srinivas likes trimming or clean shave.” Ohhh god she is talking shameless… by that time my mother came with the bath powder which she prepares for me ( I never use soap often) and some rose petals and milk cream and so on… they massaged my body with the milk cream, applied turmeric and bath powder asked me to take head bath, and I took bath in the hot water tub filled with rose petals. When I came out of bath room my mother is ready with the “sambrani dhoop to give to my hair”, my sister sprayed the perfume all over my body. I felt shame “what nonsense they are doing?” Looking at my face my mother told that it’s all traditional to prepare and relax. If you are not happy we will not do all this. Then I said Pls leave me alone. They all left me alone. I am really not feeling well. My body is relaxed with the hot water bath. But my mind is completely under tension. They kept a white sari and all the pearls jewelry as matching sets. After half an hour I felt I got my periods. When I went and checked in the toilet it’s the same. I got my periods. Even though I have one week time, because of the tension and strain I got my periods early it seems. I felt very happy… really now I felt my body and God understood my hesitation and they helped me. So I called my mother and told about this. With in seconds this news roamed whole marriage hall. I felt like hell. Every one is coming to my room and giving me a sad/ angry/ hatred/ pity look and saying you should take care of all this before marriage, now a days we have medicines na? Why don’t u take those before? Now what we will say to the groom’s family? It is not a good sign…. Oh my GOD!!! What the hell is happening? I am really ready to cry. I felt shame as if I have done some serious crime. Every one is blaming me and my mother. She is also silent and worried. Finally my mother in law came to my room Suddenly every one became very silent. She looked the room filled with the lady relatives. She asked all of them to leave the room. My mother, my self and my mother in law left in the room. She came near me and told that “suha, don’t worry. Nothing happened unnatural…. I told this to Srinivas, he got angry why all are making it a scene, if you are not comfortable you sleep here, but it is not a good sign to separate on the couple during first night. You both just be together and take rest”. What should I say??? Whether I appreciate that she is not like others and understands my feelings or whether I should feel sad that she is still insisting me to go to Srinivas room?? My mother told immediately. “She will go, not a problem. They can understand each other today”… what a mother I felt. Finally again the giggling laughs and comments of ladies started. They started talking about their first night experiences. They are saying no need to tell anything to the now a day’s generation, they know everything. I felt a sudden slap on my face. They are talking how innocent they are when they got married and how their husbands struggled to teach them sex. I felt panic. One side the periods inconvenience and in the other side the guilty feeling that I am not a VIRGIN. …..with this type of thinking I went in to the bed room.Before entering the room I thought how to scold Srinivas, how to show my anger on him and how to avoid him touching me… I am really angry and felt insulted. When I entered the room, I immediately closed the door and locked it and looked at him. I am surprised to see him… he is reading a book and controlling his laugh.. He is controlling and laughing loudly… like a mad boy…I am confused what to do now, whether I should wait for him to call me or should I go there and sit on the bed?? He is not at all noticing me, he is very busy in reading the book and laughing…I am worried for a second, whether he is mad? Ohh God I married a mad person?? No..No he is an intelligent person I know, I waited for 2 minutes, and I got angry… I coughed slowly as I watched it in some movies… still he is not noticing me. What next? I slowly went near the bed and kept the milk glass on the table near the bed. He then looked at me and suddenly took my hand and pulled me towards him saying. “Hey suha… come come see this story… very funny… oh my God I am not able to control my laugh… come we will read it together”. I looked at him shockingly. Is he acting or is he really immersed in the funny story? Anyways I also got interest to know what is there in the story. He read out for me, I sat beside him. He is reading the story loudly. It’s a funny story about the newly married couple want to have privacy and not getting it and having different types of troubles. I also enjoyed the story. We laughed together. I forgot my anger. When the story is completed again I became stiff… but he is so cool, he asked me to give the milk and some sweets, because he is feeling hungry. I know we did not have our food properly. I felt sorry for him and we both ate some fruits and sweets. I told him I don’t want milk, so he had the milk. I am surprised. Nothing is happening as they show in the movies. He started talking about the marriage and what his friends are telling about that. He is talking about the plans for his future. He is not even giving a look of romance or sexual feeling. Now I am very comfortable. He asked me r u feeling sleepy?? I said “No” he also not feeling sleepy. So he said “what to do now?” I am puzzled, is this the same Srinivas, who teased me during the wedding and reception or he is different person all together?? Or what? Looking at my puzzled face, he took my hand in his hands and told me, “suha.. I know you are very tired, and not ready mentally to accept me so that’s why you are playing this drama of periods, I can understand that, I got angry initially, but you are my wife. We have to live together till we die, so there is no hurry… whenever you feel comfortable you only have to come to me or you can just give me a signal I will directly come and fell in your lap”. I am really shocked what he is talking. He Misunderstood about my periods. I wanted to tell him that I really got periods. But how can I prove him? I felt shame, I thought this is also good for me; he will give some time to me. But looking at his behavior and friendly, innocent nature I felt some soft corner for him. But there is no other choice than keeping my mouth shut quite. We did not talk anything after that; we both are busy in our thoughts. He asked me “do u have any problem if I sleep on this bed with you? If you have problem also I don’t mind, I want to attract you with all my efforts so I will sleep here only”. I felt happy that he is not angry with me. I smiled and told” I don’t have any problem but don’t complaint me you have problems”. He also laughed and we looked at each other for few seconds, we both felt satisfied that we both have no complaints. We slept happily; we don’t know when we went to sleep. He is talking and I am listening. I opened my eyes with the sound of door bell. When I opened my eyes, I felt his legs on my legs and he is in the deep sleep, I looked into his face; he is soooo cute like a good school boy. I felt like kissing him. But … I don’t know, he may think otherwise. I am not able to come close to him. I slowly removed his leg and came out of the room. We got ready and that day we went to my home, during journey in the car we sat together, my sister is sitting with us at the back. I am sitting very seriously. Suddenly I felt his hand on my shoulder. My sister is smiling slowly. He pulled me towards him with his hand on my shoulder. I am not able to do anything. Once we went into home there were some rituals of saying the name of the spouse in front of all etc. I immediately told his name, but he is acting as if he is very shy and entertaining all the ladies there. I found he is talking and entertaining all the people irrespective of their age. All the children are behind him and all the young girls and married aunts and even the old grand mothers he is entertaining. He is not behaving like a new son-in-law; he is directly coming to the kitchen and asking for coffee etc. That night is our second night. In the evening he announced to the family that we both are going out for that night for the night show movie. Every one initially not agreed but my father told us to go. He is driving the car and I am sitting in the front seat. I wear a chudidar. We are very silent he drove the car till the outskirts of the town and we reached the national highway. He stopped the car and its very cool breez and we are relaxed. I felt relaxed after almost one week. With out any noise. He started talking, he said its so pleasing weather so we stay here for some time and go back to home, no movie.. I was also thinking the same.. We talked about half an hour all about ourselves. I found him he is a very shy person in the college but he have 2 girl friends (very good friends he says) I know they came to our marriage. My respect towards him increased when he is talking very nice about his friends. I am sitting on the car seat, door opened and he is standing leaning on the bonet. Suddenly he took my hand in to his hands; I felt some shiver all over my body. He slowly pulled me, I stood up. He took my hand near his face and rubbed my hand to his cheeks, and slowly kissed my palm. I felt that the sense of kiss went through my hand to all over my body. He kissed like that for few minutes. When I closed my eyes I don’t know. Now he is separating my each finger and slowly taking my each finger into his mouth and squeezing them as if they are lollypops. He is making me hot. I slowly opened my eyes and looked at him. Till now there is no face in my mind, but when I opened my eyes and found Srinivas face, I felt suddenly a new face, he is not the same cute boy, his eyes are filled with something else, and he wants me now. I know what he wants. His eyes are pulling me towards him. Unknowingly I went near him. He slowly rounded his hand around my waist, he pulled me towards him. Now I am touching him all over. I can feel his hardness. I felt shy and hot same time. I bite my lower lip and lowered my head with shy. I am not able to look into His eyes. His left hand is around me, his right hand is holding my left hand tightly, He again started kissing my hand and licking my fingers. I now moaned slowly. Hmmmmm, he said Wow…how beautiful you are, I cannot control if you make sounds like this. He took my face into his hands and brining it near his face, I know he want to kiss me. I too want his kiss immediately. I closed my eyes and opened my lips… I am feeling the hot air coming from his nose on my face. He rubbed his cheeks on my cheeks. I felt so teased, his mustaches are circling around my lips but he is not kissing. He is teasing me. I catch his mustache hair with my tongue and started biting the hair slowly. I am also not kissing him. We both smiled and enjoying that teasing game. I know with in seconds we will kiss, we cannot control ourselves like this…Then suddenly we heard some bus is coming on the road. So I moved away from him. Suddenly I felt this world. Latter we were not able to talk anything. After some time I said, we will go. We came home. It was 12 in the night. Again we have to sleep together, when we reached the gate itself. He whispered “ don’t make delay come soon I will be waiting for you”, I smiled and went in. When I went in and while changing into night dress,I felt so happy, that Srinivas is so nice person, he is understanding and have sense of humor. He has very pleasing nature and my whole family is happy about him. I felt I am very lucky to have him.. I am flying in the sky with the happiness. Suddenly I remembered Rajesh and the pain he gave me… I thought “I am lucky to have Srinivas as my husband, but is Srinivas happy to have me as wife? I don’t have answer for that. I felt upset. I remembered what my colleague said- “ why are you cheating an innocent person?” I felt sudden pain in the heart. My mood changed. I am not ready to go into the room now. All are sleeping so there is no one to force me to go in his room. I have decided that I will not go near him till I completely feel that Srinivas is happy to marry me. I don’t want to disturb his feelings and create expectations.I really don’t know what to decide and what to think. Only thing I understood is I am not good for Srinivas, he is so nice and he is showing sympathy on me, its not love. I felt very weak and sick. I very quietly went to my room where my younger brother and sisters are sleeping and tried to get sleep. I know Srinivas will be waiting for me. I feel his hot respiration still near me; I still feel his welcoming hot looks. I am not able to control myself. I felt like going near him and hug him and never leave him in life. He is my husband, he is my future, he is my life, and he is my care taker… I suddenly understood that how come I am feeling so much of love for him? Is this love? Or else what? I now feel that Srinivas is mine only mine for the whole life. But I did not dare to go near him. In the morning I am avoiding him. My mother forced me to take coffee to him. Forcefully I went to his room. He is talking to my aunt’s daughter Aditi, 4 years old. She is asking him – “Are you the groom? Did you marry my aunt?” Srinivas is answering her “yes” she asked “will you marry me?” I laughed immediately, Srinivas looked at me, his face became small and I understood he is not happy, looking at me he answered her- “I know it would be better if I marry you, because you like me but your aunt don’t like me” I felt so sad, as if some one is killing me with knife. How can I say that I too like him? But …. What but??? I don’t know … I gave the coffee and came out of the room. I know I am giving him the pain. But it is better now, if we both commit and if he feels bad after wards or if he feels I cheated him we cannot bare that pain. So like that our first 3 nights teased me and left me unsatisfied….
Dear friends it’s a disappointment for you all na!!! What to do? Even for me at that time. But its life. Sex is not a cheap thing as you all read in most of the stories in ISS. It’s so emotional and its love making actually. When two hearts meat, and talk, when two souls become close then they think that these two bodies cannot live separately and the souls feel that they should meet, mix up till the bodies and souls become ONE…. .Still that time have not come in my life and Srinivas life. But I am assuring you that one day we will feel like that. As I am waiting, you also pls. Wait for that day to know what happened to my love life…… till then bye..See you all in my mail box Hey… my next story is also ready. So hurry up write me soon