With a heavy heart, I lay upon her, sobbing uncontrollably. She cradled my head to her chest, soothing me with her loving hands and her loving heart. In the darkness following the day and the darkness following the funeral, she was the strong one, the one who grieved silently and internally while consoling me as best as she could, not caring that of all people, it was me crying into her chest, that this semi-intimate moment was being shared with her twin brother. Angela’s battle was short and as pain-free as medical technology could allow. That gave me a little comfort as I stood at her bedside along with her parents and her younger sisters for her final moments. The grief in the small hospital room was very tangible, and was almost a crushing weight upon our shoulders. We all lived in the same small suburb. Angela and I attended the college five blocks away from our high school, while my twin sister Kristen was a commuter student to the university in the city. All three of us had been close for most of our lives, and that had brought our two families together as friends as well. No one had been particularly surprised when Angela and I had begun dating in high school, although the few who knew were indeed stunned when they learned that Angela and Kristen had engaged in a woman-on-woman encounter when the three off us took a final camping trip together just before going to our respective college or university.
When cancer struck, however, it hit Angela fast and hard. It hit us all fairly hard, but outside of her family, it hit me hardest of all, probably because I was the one who had seen her most often, whether in school or on field trips or going to a movie or in a college dorm room. Late into the night, after we had shed all our tears, Kristen and I held each other close something which was not uncommon for us, and traded memories of Angela which were not mentioned at the funeral. Angela’s enthusiasm about spending the following year studying in Rome, her deep interest in Formula1, the Minnie Mouse panties she would often wear even when dressed for a formal occasion.
“Do you remember the first time I saw you two having sex?” my twin sister asked.
“Um, yeah. I nearly had a heart attack when you walked so boldly into the bedroom.”
Kristen giggled softly, the first sound of happiness I had heard from her in more than a week. “The expression on both your faces was priceless. It was odd though to stand there in the doorway and watch you making love to her the way that I’d long wished a certain someone would do with me.”
I smiled. “You should let him know.”
“I know, but it’s… Complicated.”
“I see.” In the darkness, I hugged her closely. “Whoever it is would be a very lucky guy. Perhaps he’s already taken? Is that why you haven’t told him how you feel?”
Kristen hesitated, stiffening a little in my arms. “No. He’s no longer taken.”
“Well, give him some time. If he left his girlfriend recently, give him some time.”
We hugged warmly again, and although Kristen definitely was not Angela, the special bond my twin and I had shared for more than two decades certainly helped to further ease my mind and my heart.
“I should probably head back to campus,” I finally said sadly. I knew that I did not belong in my sister’s apartment so late at night, and I especially did not belong on her bed in her arms in the dark.
“It’s okay,” Kristen affirmed. “In fact, I’d like you to stay tonight, and the entire weekend if you want.”
I was a little surprised. “Are you sure, sis?”
Her answer was to nod with her forehead brushing mine, just like when we were much younger.
“Okay,” I agreed, “but in the morning, I’m heading back to campus to clean up and get my things to truly spend the weekend.”
“That’s fine.” I could hear her smile, and then I felt it in her chaste kiss to my cheek.
In the morning, I awoke to an arm draped over my side and a pair of soft breasts pressed into my back. The room was definitely not my dorm room, nor was it Angela’s dorm room, nor was it a dorm room at all, for it was larger and definitely much nicer. It was an actual bedroom, with a small vanity and a window with actual curtains just in my view. Then I remembered having fallen asleep in my twin sister’s bed, keeping a respectable distance between us despite the somewhat cramped confines of the bed. During the night, she had gravitated toward me, holding me close in her sleep. I wondered if she was aware of the position, but from the slow regularity of her breathing, it sounded like she was still sleeping. I had slept in only my underwear as usual, while I could feel an actual nightie pressed to my back. I remembered Kristen’s comment before we slipped underneath the covers together: I hope you don’t mind my wearing something so sheer. As the first light of day gradually illuminated the bedroom, I remembered that view of my twin sister, of noticing her twin swells and thinking of how I used to suckle one of Angela’s breasts as she sighed contentedly and cradled my head to her chest. I sighed, wishing it was Angela pressed to my back and feeling a stirring within my underwear.
It was not my longtime girlfriend holding me from behind as she slept, but it was definitely a woman in bed with me. She was more than just a woman: She was a lifelong friend and confidante, and perhaps just as importantly, she was the best link I still had with Angela just because of the many times she and I had shared with Angela. I remembered the camping trip. I remembered emerging from the tent to find my girlfriend and my sister kneeling by the small campfire, holding each other close and kissing slowly. Many guys fantasize about seeing two beautiful young women kissing – and more – and that night, I no longer needed to fantasize, giving them plenty of space and quiet to engage in their Sapphic moment, ultimately joining them only when they both turned to me and gave explicit permission for me to approach. I remembered fondly how I slowly undressed each of them as they continued to caress and kiss, how they ended up fingering each other to shuddering orgasms before Angela used her mouth to bring me to an orgasm of my own while my sister kept fondling her. As I lay in my sister’s bed, my erection throbbed with the memory. I had known that Kristen had been interested in sharing an all-female intimate moment for quite some time and was not surprised when she later confessed that she would feel most comfortable with Angela, but I had not expected them – especially Kristen – to invite me into their interlude.
I thought that, perhaps, that memory and the fact that my sister was pressed against me were related. Deep inside, I hoped that was the case, not necessarily because I thought of Kristen in a romantic sense, but because, with Angela’s passing, she was the only person to whom I could imagine giving all of me completely. My erection throbbed again, as if it sought the feminine body sharing the bed with me. I realized that I needed some space and some time to think. Slowly, carefully, graciously (I hope), I slid out of my sister’s grasp without awakening her and, after standing in the doorway and watching her sleep like an angel, made my way to the small kitchen to fix breakfast for us both.
“Where ya headed?” Mike asked as I packed my small duffel bag for the weekend.
“Staying with my sister, where I was last night,” I admitted. “Since we both knew Angela well, it helps to be able to grieve together.” That part was definitely true.
“Oh yeah, you said you and your sister and Angela all grew up together.”
“Yeah.”
The rest of the packing was done in silence until I said goodbye and left the dorm room behind. I purposely took my homework with me, for I knew that I would have a lot of catch-up to do after having missed so many classes due to Angela’s death and funeral, but in the back of my mind, I wondered just how much of that homework would actually be finished by Monday morning. Kristen opened the door to her apartment, and I instantly noticed the tears drying on her cheeks. In the doorway, we hugged tightly, and only later did I learn that she had opened the newspaper and happened to see Angela’s obituary had already been printed. The rest of the morning passed in silence as Kristen and I sat at the table, each of us working on overdue homework for our classes. The only sounds were the tapping on our laptop keyboards and occasionally a mug of coffee being set back on the table. In time, hunger forced us out of the apartment. We took a stroll down the street to Quiznos, but for once neither of us was really able to enjoy eating at one of our favorite places. We sat there a long time, mostly silent, our general sadness gradually fading just because we were out in public, surrounded by other people.
Instead of returning to Kristen’s apartment, we headed in the opposite direction toward the park. There were a few parents standing or sitting on the benches along the main path, watching their young children having fun on the small playground. The small picnic pavilion was occupied by a small group celebrating a birthday, likely a girl’s birthday given the many pastel colors of the decorations. Continuing on, my twin sister stopped and sat on a bench well away from the other areas of activity. I sat beside her, and she leaned into me naturally, which prompted me to drape an arm across her shoulders. We remained like that for a while, finally chatting again, talking quietly. No one ventured so far along the trail, although a stray cat did meander by, pausing briefly to look up at us and silently beg us for food.
“Do you remember the threesome?” Kristen asked softly.
“Definitely.” I had been thinking about it that very morning.
“I’ve never told anyone this,” she confessed, “but I thought it felt really natural when you undressed me.”
That surprised me. “Really?”
“Really,” my sister affirmed. “I didn’t sense any awkwardness from you, and I was definitely too wrapped up in Angela to be shy about having my own brother undressing me.”
“Maybe that was the key,” I suggested. “Having Angela there as a focus for us both kept nervousness and awkwardness from settling into the situation.”
“Maybe, although I was definitely a little jealous.”
“Jealous?” The conversation was particularly intriguing, as I had never thought to ask Kristen how she had felt about our threesome experience with Angela.
“Just a little. I wished that I could take you into my mouth and share you with her. I wished that you’d have us both put our faces together and then cum on us both. But I also knew that that would definitely cross the line, especially there in the open at a public campground.”
“Really?” I was surprised – very pleasantly surprised.
“Really.”
I gave my sister a gentle squeeze, and she made a soft sound of happiness as she squeezed my thigh in return. We looked into each other’s eyes, and the deep fondness we had always shared was still there, but it was accompanied by something more.
It was accompanied by a twinkle very similar to what I had seen in Angela’s eyes before she and I had begun to date. The majority of the afternoon was again spent at the table, each of us completing overdue homework. Kristen had always been the more studious twin, so she did not have as much overdue homework due to the fact that she tried to read ahead for all her classes, but after having been out of class for a full week, she was also behind. When she finally finished, she stood and stretched, her breasts straining nicely against her university sweatshirt, and then came to stand behind me and massage my shoulders. I leaned back in my chair and allowed my sister to work on my tense muscles. She had always had good massage skills, and I never turned her down whenever she offered a massage. This massage, however, seemed more meaningful, and when I tipped my head back and looked up into her eyes, that same twinkle was clearly evident, mirrored by a smile of fondness which hinted at something more. The massage continued my eyes closed to better enjoy the actions of the pleasant hands. She not only eased away the stress which had accumulated in my shoulders, she also eased away the weight in my heart, and somehow, just somehow, I knew that while she was no longer with us in person, Angela was indeed with us in spirit, and I knew that she approved.
“What would Angela think,” I asked quietly, “if she were to see us right now?”
“She’s watching, I’m sure,” Kristen responded, her light touch moving up to my cheeks. “She knew, and I know she approves.”
She knew? I wondered, but before I could ask, I felt my sister’s lips against my forehead.
Slowly, my eyes opened, and as she lifted her head back, Kristen gazed into my eyes, judging me, judging how I would react. “‘She knew’ what?” I asked, needing a clarification to assure myself that we were singing from the same songbook. My twin sister smiled sweetly. “She knew that I felt more than just sibling love for you,” she confessed. “Angela also knew that I’d never encroach on her relationship with you, but most importantly, she knew that if something ever did happen to her and a love blossomed between us, that you’d take just as good a care of me as you did with her, and she wanted first and foremost for me to be happy and taken care of.” My mind was spinning from these revelations. That the two most important people in my life would keep something like this from me was a bit disappointing, but also quite understandable. That they both loved me beyond our longtime friendships and beyond the blood Kristen and I shared was a pleasant surprise. That Angela approved of a potential incestuous relationship between her two closest friends was a great shock indeed, but it also put that threesome experience in a new light, as if it was part of a plan to bring her two best friends together as a suggestion for the future. Her lips descended again, but this time, it was not my forehead which received her kiss.Her awkward position forced Kristen to stand as I slid the chair back from the table and patted my thigh. Our kiss resumed as my twin sat in my lap, only an occasional soft moan or whimper coming from either of us as, at last we added a new layer of meaning to our long history together.
“Too bad I didn’t bring the 360 with me,” I lamented. “Then we could just turn on the console, select and download a movie, and watch.”
“A trip down the street won’t kill us,” Kristen chided me playfully just before we entered the video store.
After spending several hours primarily caressing and kissing, we had eaten a meager dinner and went looking for entertainment for the evening. My mind was still reeling at how much things had changed in less than twenty-four hours, from feeling somewhat ashamed at crying into my twin sister’s chest to having spent more than a heartbeat in kissing and touching each other through our clothes. We looked around for nearly an hour, but found nothing which truly interested us, so we at least bought two bags of microwave popcorn and returned to the apartment for an old pastime: Scrabble. After having won two games each, we decided to call a truce – not at all unusual for us. Then, just as I began to put the game away, Kristen placed her hand on mine to stop me. “Wait,” she said a mischievous grin on her lips. “One more game. Loser sleeps naked.”
I raised an eyebrow, a mischievous grin of my own spreading across my lips. “Game on!”
As luck would have it, when the fifth game of the night finally ended, we were tied at two hundred thirty-nine points each.
“Now what?” I asked. “If you want to do a tiebreaker game, I’ll need a pot of coffee first.”
“Well, neither of us lost, but also neither of us won.”
“Right. And that means…?”
“No idea. What’s your opinion on this?”
“No idea.”
“Come off it! You’ve always had an opinion about everything. You probably even have an opinion on Mary Ann versus Ginger!”
“On that one, no. On Coke versus Pepsi, yes: Coke.”
Although Kristen was smiling and shaking her head in disbelief, I could tell that she was not about to let me off the hook that easily. “So what do you think we should do to resolve this situation?”
I thought for a moment. “Arm wrestling. Loser sleeps naked.”
“No way! You’re stronger than me! Try again.”
Another hesitation as I considered the options. “Spitting contest.”
It was her turn to raise an eyebrow. “Odd, but I’m in. And the loser?”
“Loser sleeps naked.”
“Let’s head outside then so we can use the sidewalk in front of the complex to mark where the spit lands. And thank you for not suggesting a pissing contest.”
I lost, by nearly four inches of distance.
Kristen was already in bed when I came into the bedroom. To my relief, the light was already off and she was facing away from me. I suppose I should not have been relieved by the fact that she was not looking at me and would not have seen much of me in the darkness anyhow. She had already seen me fully naked once, when she had walked in on me as I was making love to Angela. She had also seen my full erect size through my open zipper during the threesome as Angela had attempted to swallow me whole. Still, I was relieved nonetheless and when I slipped under the covers and she turned over to reach for me, I was stunned to find that she was naked as well.
“Surprise!” she whispered before kissing me briefly.
“Are you sure it’s okay for us both to be naked at the same time?” I asked softly. “I mean, I knew Angela was on The Pill, so it was fine with her, but, um…”
“Its fine,” she assured me, “but I definitely appreciate the concern.”
And with that, we held each other close and chatted quietly before finally drifting into slumber together.We were once again on a campout, the three of us sitting on the grassy bank of the river watching as a group of young teenagers paddled slowly by in their canoes. I felt proud at how the boys in the group eyed the two beautiful women flanking me, and gave them a moment of jealousy by leaning over and kissing Angela’s cheek.
“Enough, showoff!” my twin sister said softly, the amusement prominent in her voice. Angela giggled and I smiled in response.
After a few minutes of silence between us, I instead turned to Kristen and kissed her cheek. “Nice,” Angela commented, “but if you kiss her better than you kiss me, I’ll be jealous!” I awoke sometime during the night, that short fragment of a dream still filling my head despite the darkness of the bedroom. I realized that I was hard, my tip dripping onto my stomach, and I knew that there was more to that dream, more than what I was remembering at the moment. My twin sister remained asleep beside me, a soft pleasant sound emanating from her throat. I wondered what she was dreaming, what she was seeing and thinking, who was involved. Closing my eyes, I tried to go back to sleep, thankful as I felt my erection fading, but just as I felt sleep overtaking me again, I heard it.
“Are you sure?”
I knew Kristen sometimes talked in her sleep. That was one of the reasons she had an apartment and did not live in the dorms at her university. Hearing that question, sleep eluded me again as my mind wondered who she was speaking to in her dream.
“Beside me?”
Her voice was soft and sweet, with a touch of concern and uncertainty. Given how close my twin and I had both been to Angela, I had a strong feeling that she was “speaking” to our departed comrade, and only hearing my sister’s side of the conversation was both mysterious and slightly annoying. She opened her eyes slowly to find me watching her face and looked at me quizzically. “Was I talking in my sleep again?” she asked slowly as the haze of her dream dissipated.
“Yeah, but its okay.” I reached out to stroke her cheek, its warmth at once inviting and reassuring. She closed her eyes, smiling softly and sleepily.
“I dreamed of her,” Kristen finally informed me.
“Angela?”
“Yeah.” She made a soft sound of happiness as I continued stroking her cheek. “She’s okay with it. She’s okay with us. We need to be careful, but she wants us both to be happy, and she knows that we can make each other happy.”
The fragment I remembered from my dream came to mind again. “Are you sure she won’t be jealous?” I asked with genuine concern. My twin sister nodded beneath my hand. “We’re both barely twenty years old. She knows that you can’t be expected to be alone forever just because she’s no longer physically here with us.” and that was when I heard it, a very familiar voice I thought I would never hear again: its okay. She loves you and you love her. It’s always been that way for you two, but now you can take it to the next level. Go ahead. You both have my blessing. Through her fatigue, Kristen smiled at me in the near-total darkness and brought a hand to my chest, rubbing directly over my heart. “You’re right,” I whispered, both to Kristen and to Angela, and while Kristen leaned forward to kiss my lips, I felt Angela’s kiss to my cheek. I unfortunately could not hold them both, but I held my twin sister with enough tender care and love to make up for not being able to hold Angela, and I slipped back into slumber with a new outlook on the future and a new layer of love added to the bond I had long shared with Kristen.
The dawn of a new day was the beginning of a new chapter of my life. While I still had the same general concerns – classes, homework, the tumultuous economy, maximizing the limited capabilities of my old laptop, trying to keep my car drivable as I saved up enough to buy a more reliable vehicle – I felt better prepared to face those challenges. Once again, I had someone at my side, someone who was more than willing to share both the good and the bad of everyday life, someone who cared for me like no one else. In the latter respect, Kristen’s care and love was very unique. It was something she and I could not share with the rest of the world, something we could not display whenever we stepped out of her apartment, but I always felt it like a massive helium-filled balloon ready to lift me up over any obstacle in my way.
That gave our first lovemaking an extra level of meaning. As that same day dawned, as the new chapter of my life was being written, I pierced Kristen’s soul and filled her with my love, and as she proclaimed her love into my mouth, I sensed Angela’s presence in the doorway as she watched with the joy of knowing that her two closest friends would continue on nicely, and would continue on together..